Words and music copyright 1998 by Steve Brooks

In Cincinnati, people understand
The top banana is Chiquita Brands.
Used to call themselves United Fruit.
Central America, they made their loot.
Then the paper did an expose,
'Bout the chemicals they spray and spray.
Said Chiquita was a wild bunch.
Now Chiquita's going to eat their lunch.

CHORUS
A Chiquita subpoena,
When the sheriff says hello.
A Chiquita subpoena,
Turns the newspapers yellow.
There's a leak from Chiquita,
But they know how to plug it.
A Chiquita subpoena,
In the banana republic.

Now the paper's going to take it back,
Though they really don't dispute the facts.
The reporter's going to get the slip,
For behaving like he's Linda Tripp.
They're rolling over, and they're playing dead,
And they're paying big banana bread,
For the messages that he did steal.
They're afraid of a banana appeal.

CHORUS

Now I wonder, what would be the fate
Of Pentagon Papers and of Watergate,
If the editors had got cold feet
About publishing secret leaks.

I'm a Chiquita banana, and I'd like to say,
Pick on me, and there's a price to pay.
Take it easy with the business news.
You'll win no prizes, but you won't get sued.

CHORUS