Words and music copyright 1998 by Steve Brooks

CHORUS

If you've got a beef about beef,
Just sweep it under the table.
Don't you cuss a carrot out.
Don't you bash a brussel sprout
Don't express the slightest doubt.
If you've got a beef about beef,
They're liable to sue you for libel.
They don't give a damn about
What you put into your mouth.
They're afraid what might come out.

Up in the Texas Panhandle,
Old Oprah she raised quite a scandal.
She warned that your chow
Might be made from mad cows.
With your health you'd be taking a gamble.

The ranchers around Amarillo
Weren't amused by her little pecadillo
They got up their dander
To sue her for slander
And squash her just like an armadillo.
CHORUS

The folks in the state legislatures
Have defined a new crime against nature.
You're breaking the law
To pooh-pooh a paw-paw
Or put down a plate of potaters.

It isn't your health they're protecting
From the threat of a deadly infection
They're afraid of the harm
To the factory farms
That will finance their next re-election.

CHORUS